As a 36 year old woman in the year 2020 I must say I have never really given any thought whatsoever to what the life of someone who actually gets caught committing a sex crime must be like. I really didn’t give to much thought into the fact that sometimes they have wives and children. One of statistics gathered from a study actually states that 30% of the men in the study who offended by viewing child pornography were married. If you’re the wife of a man that has done this, welcome to the minority club.
Up until this point I thought that men that viewed child pornography were single white, middle aged men. I never considered the rhyme or reason, and I never considered that as a stay at home wife of four kids, whose husband was a minister, that I would be standing in these shoes. My life has always been lived in black and white, right and wrong, and for the most part it still is. Watching children being abused by grown men is absolutely detestable and it is always wrong. At least for me it was, but for him, struggle or not, something opened the door for it to be permissible.
This type of crime is so shaming and devastating to the spouses of “these” men. Who is really willing to open up their mouth and talk about it? I’ve noticed the ones that choose to cut off all contact with their offender husband and start their lives over, living the best they can without him are in cases willing to speak. I by no means am saying that is a wrong path. Nor is it the wrong frame of mind to be in. After all, it is said that as high as 25% of the men that view child pornography continue on to hands on offend. However, that leaves the of 75%. The majority of men, that don’t hands on offend an never will. It takes courage to walk away, and as of now, I believe it will take courage, faith, and borderline insanity to make the decision to stay. (Pending the pyscho-sexual assessment of your husband comes back that he is safe to be around his own children and low risk to reoffend.)
I don’t want to skew the statistics one way or another. I am not even asking women who view this site to become a Woman Against Registry member. I just want to share the reality of having to walk through this path from start to finish. There is a lot of hurt, heartache, and trouble in between. Yet, I still find moments to laugh. I still have joy, and even though I am deeply broken, I still have hope.
While going through this process, I really don’t know what the outcome is going to be at the end. Will I get a happy ending? What does a happy ending look like? Will my marriage be restored? Will my family be restored? What does recovering from this look like? I know that I am not alone in thinking about this. I know many have spent countless nights weeping because of the devastation this has caused to their families on so many levels. I just earnestly want to encourage you not to give up. Don’t lose hope. Take a breath and move forward. Even if you are crawling, you are still moving forward.