Wednesday morning FDLE knocked on our door. Friday morning I woke up to living in my recently widowed Father’s house with my 4 young sons. Reality hit me really hard that morning. My boys were still sleeping, and I could barely breathe. Think… Think… what needs to be taken care of. Everything. Take it one bite a time girl, one bite at a time. Ok. You need to sell your vehicles. Your dad held on to your mother’s car, it’s yours now.
I picked up my phone and called a friend of mine, whose husband owned a car dealership. “Hey.. I need to sell my car, and possibly my husbands.” As I spoke to her, I could immediately here the concern in her voice. It was if her heart was bleeding as bad as mine was for this situation. Of course, because of social media and how wonderfully the news publishes the juicy details on the internet, word of my husbands moral failure had already made it to the next city. I assured her ” It’s not as bad as the news made it sound”. After all the news said my husband “offered to ‘share’ ” child pornography. I explained that sharing child pornography in his case actually meant that he was using a pirated version of Napster or LimeWire to get torrent files, not that he was producing or selling pornography to different people. It was on a “shared” server. But the community will never know that.
She immediately followed up with “My husband and I have been through our own battles, who are we to judge. Everyone deserves a second chance. If there is anyone who can make it through this, its you…” I set up a time to bring my vehicle to them. I sure didn’t feel strong, or capable of making it through anything. I just needed to put one foot in front of the other that day, for my sons.
You have to keep moving girl. Make a list.
- Switch your banking info over.
- Enroll your kids in school.
- Lock down a defense attorney.
- Contact a realtor and put your house up.
- Close out all your social media accounts.
- Change your number.
- Call around for job opportunities.
- Get mental help.
- What does your budget look like?
This would be the list of everything I needed to get done before I thought I might mentally break. I gave myself the week to get it done. The call to the counselor was the first thing I did. I had designed their website so I knew they specialized in psychosexual disorders and treatments. “Hey there… can I get counseling from you guys…” I proceeded to sob, and just vomit out everything that had happened in the past 2 days. He quietly listened. “You have two options, you can either set up a video visit, or come in person, I recommend you come in person. I am clearing my schedule, don’t worry about the cost. This is beyond traumatic, its catastrophic.” I scheduled and seized the next available session.
No sooner than I ended that phone call, I got a call from another friend. She asked “You’re at your dad’s aren’t you.” I responded “Yes I am.” The door bell rang. I opened it and there she was. She hugged me. We sat in the living room while the kids played, and we cried, laughed, and talked together. She had been so impacted by my husband and I, she had even lived with us as a new believer in Christ. She surprised me with groceries later on that night.
As I think back on these events I am often rendered speechless. These women didn’t just support me, they supported my spouse as well. I was really afraid they would reject my husband, and the reason the thought of that hurt so badly was because of the fact that we lived our lives as one for so long. I felt like it would be a rejection of me. After 11 years of marriage, we had done everything together, it felt like my my identity was glued to his. It felt like his failure was my failure. I would soon learn that that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Ecclesiastes 4:10 If either should fall, one can pick up the other. But how miserable are those who fall and don’t have a companion to help them up!